"I wanna see you be brave"

I wonder if I'll ever totally trust my man again. He's almost 30 days clean with 1 little hiccup. And I still don't trust him 100%. I wish he never would've done this to me. I used to be THE most naive person EVER! And now....I'm not. I hate that my man changed that in me. I am happy, I really am. But I don't know if I'll ever totally trust him. When he leaves to go places alone I worry the whole time! I worry he's going to find a way to make a call. I worry that he's going to give into Satan. I worry about it all. I want this to go away. I want him to leave and be able to sit at home and work on a project or watch TV in peace. I worry that I'll never stop worrying! Addictions affect more than just the addict.

I think I'm starting the healing process. For the past month I've been going through it. I thought it would be easier. My man is doing really well and THIS time there's something different about him. He's humble! He's willing! He's nice! He's more understanding! I take him to work and pick him up and in the past he complained and yelled and hated it. Now, he loves the time with his boys in the morning and evening. In the past I'd ask him to read scriptures with us and he'd find a reason not to, now he willingly reads with us and participates! In the past I've asked him to read scriptures and another uplifting book with me every night and he wouldn't. Now, we don't miss a night....even if it's 2 am and I want to go to bed without reading! He's going to church with a good attitude, doing border patrol faithfully, answering every text message from our counselor, listening to me when I am struggling with the effects of hi...

I hate February. I hate that my husband forgets Valentine's day every year. I hate that I expect my man to remember and do something special. I hate that there has to be a day to remind us to show our love to those who are important to us. AND now I hate it because it's the month my husband cheated on me. February 27th. I hate that day! I hate it more than any other day all year! I don't know how to get that day to become normal again. I don't want it to mean anything. I don't want to remember what happened on that day! I DO NOT WANT THAT DAY TO EVEN BE! I wish I could take every young man and tell him of the pain they can cause women if they give into their deviant sides. I wish I could explain how much their actions affect the women in their lives. I wish there was a way to make men FEEL the emptiness, lonliness, and pure hell I have felt this last year! If there was anyway to take February 27th away I would! I would give anything for that! But, i can...