"I wanna see you be brave"

Our counselor, Maurice , suggested my husband and I blog together or each have a blog. We decided to each have our own. So, my man started a blog this morning. We're hoping that through our blogs other people can find help and hope. We have been on this journey for 6 years. Some times are better than others. Sometimes I'm not sure we're going to make it to celebrate another anniversary with him. But, I follow my heart and the Spirit and do what I feel is best for ME right now. We're still married, we're still fighting and we will win! Together we can make our lives better. I wish men, those still single and those who are married, could understand, really understand, that when you bring this addiction into a marriage you are affecting a whole family and your wife is there to be part of your team. I love when my man is honest with me, when he tells me he's tempted and needs help, when he asks me to take him to work so there isn't a temptation to go somewhere ...

please read this . I wish I would've read it. It's exactly how I feel. We're putting our lives back together again. We're doing it and it's better, but it's still hard. I am trying to trust again. I'm trying to heal. My man is working hard to overcome his addiction. But, it's hard. I want to wear a sign (see this link) that says, "my husband is a porn/sex addict. Please be gentle with me. I'm just trying to survive." But I can't. I pretend things are fine. I listen to people judge. I listen to other people complain because their husband won't let them buy ANOTHER kitchen gadget. Everything appears to be fine. But it's not. We're all fighting battles and we need to remember to see other peoples signs and be gentle to eachother.

It's amazing how fast life changes. I knew the happiness and bliss couldn't last. I wanted it to and I hoped it would. OH, how I hoped and prayed that he would continue to fight for me. But, he gave up and gave in and lost. 2 days in a row. He doesn't just lose. He leaves me! He leaves me and doesn't come home for hours and doesn't answer the phone. I'm left here wondering and my mind goes crazy. Well, tonight, my boys were up and he siad he'd be here and he said he had a treat for them. He never showed up. They spent a couple hours drawing him pictures and waiting up for him. AND HE NEVER SHOWED. So, what am I supposed to do? Instead of crying and feeling sad for myself I bucked up and took action. I am being strong....for now. I packed his stuff in a garbage bag and I was quite nice and organized about it. Then I stuck it on the doorstep and locked the 3 locks on our door. I texted him and asked him not to bother me until he decides what he really wants. I...