keep on keepin on

My boys are in counsling.
one has ADHD, the other has severe anxiety.
They are now having anger issues...MAJOR anger issues.
I told their counselor about my marriage and my sex addict husband.
She asked me for a time line of events.
When this all started, when we've been seperated, when he's not come home, when we've fought, how many times, and when, he's lied to the boys.
I couldn't tell her. It's all a blur. He's left so many times I have no idea when he's been gone. We've been seperated so many times I quit keeping trrack.
Why me? WHY!?
I hate this!
Why am I still married?
Because.....
well, I don't know! I'm starting to forget why. I'm starting to NOT want to be married. I'm starting to lose it all.
My counselor told me that I'd slowly get to this point of not wanting to be married.
I'm not loving this.
My boys counselor told me that when we've tried everything and don't get any different results then it's time to be done.
I'm feeling like I'm close to that point.
So, here's the last thing. We're going to a marriage counselor. Tomorrow. If this doesn't work then I will walk away.
I will build a differnt life.
I will miss the life I thought I was going to have.
I want my man to want this as much as I do.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I am sorry you are struggling with a marriage with a sex addict. So sorry.
November 30, 2011 at 8:28 PM
J said…
And if you do decide to build a different life you WILL be okay. You've fought long and hard.... you've endured.... I hope the best for your marriage but I also want YOU to be happy.

Maybe we can let our boys play after the holidays? Seriously I would love to come up and see you.... it's been too long!

XOXOXOXOX
December 1, 2011 at 8:46 AM
Wife A said…
Wishing you the very best. Heavenly Father will provide a way for you whether you stay or go. Trust Him. He loves you even more than you love your precious boys and that's obviously a lot. Good luck, you can do this, whichever path you do end up on.
December 3, 2011 at 9:49 PM
Anonymous said…
Hugs. Prayers going to you.
December 10, 2011 at 6:05 PM
Mac said…
My heart goes out to you. I think we all fear getting to this point. There are lots of us out here reading your story and wanting the very very best for you. Sending love and comfort!
December 14, 2011 at 2:08 PM
Anonymous said…
Hope you saw this new forum: http://www.hopeandhealinglds.com/forum/index.php
February 5, 2012 at 8:54 PM
Angel said…
Why do they do it? I followed the link to his blog on your sidebar, and as I was reading his posts I kept wondering ... Why do they just keep doing it? Why?
March 14, 2012 at 10:33 PM
Scabs said…
Life has no guarantees. it's a hard lesson im learning. What i hate most about his addiction is how it interferes with our children. They deserve better. They deserve a father who is solid, who teaches my daughter that she is valuable. a father who teaches my son to love and cherish the girls and women in his life. A man who teaches that sex and love aren't scary that intimacy is a bond. just like ANgel says...why? why do they do it? do they really have such little control over there actions??? i'm sorry.
March 15, 2012 at 2:35 PM
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