eternity

I fell in love.  This man promised me the world.  He was a return missionary.  He was worthy to take me to the temple.  He had the same goals as I.  We wanted to start a family and it was important for me to stay home and raise them.  He was going to work full time and go to school part time.  He was going to love, honor and cherish me and only me.
We went ring shopping.  I knew exactly what I wanted.  1 perfect karat with no other diamonds to take away any attention from that karat.  I fell in love with my ring.  But what I loved the most about it was what it represented.  The man of my dreams gave it to me.  It symbolized his love for me and the goals we had for our lives and our family.  It symbolized eternity...a perfect, happily ever after eternity.
My ring became nothing more than a piece of really pretty jewelry....a constant reminder of the cheating and the love I wanted.  It was a reminder of the cheating.  It was a reminder of what I wasn't.  It was a reminder of the life I was living but never wanted.  I hate that ring!  I hate the man who gave me that ring!  I hate the life that ring represent!
My divorce was final yesterday and I miss my diamond more than I miss that man.  I am creating a new life for myself.  I am happy, but I am sad, too.  I am still working through the trauma (yes, it was trauma)!  I still have triggers.  And now that school's out I am more emotional and working through all of my emotions. But, I am happy and I am doing something with my life!  My next diamond will be from myself.  It will represent freedom and I will be sure to blog about it :)

Comments

Wendy said…
This breaks my heart to hear what you're going through. I have been divorced for almost 3 months now and I get exactly where you are coming from. Oh the beginnings of our stories are similiar: returned missionary, temple marriage, complete confidence in raising our family while he worked and went to school---none of it lasted. I am praying for you. You are strong and courageous and you can fight this. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps people like me feel a little bit less alone in this hell of a world.

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