all about ME

I went through 2 weeks of complete hell.
I found out x MARRIED the girl he told me he was serious with.  They just went to the courthouse in town and got married.
It destroyed me.
Not because I want him back...this is so hard for people to understand unless they've experienced this as well.
How can he move on and be happy and not be alone?
I'm raising 3 kids and going to school full time and being the mom and dad and I'm doing it alone.
He is the one who destroyed our marriage, so why I am the one who is alone?  
It was also hard because it was a reminder of everything he promised me and destroyed.
How could someone love this man who completely destroyed everything in me?
2 weeks of hell.  I was in a dark place.  Darker than I've been in a long time.  I didn't know how I'd ever make it out.

Then, I met her.  She's a genuinely kind person, she's so great to my kids and she and I get along really well.  I invited her over right before Christmas and we had a good time.  It wasn't awkward.  We just talked...the x wife and the current wife.  And it was good.
I found peace.  I also found forgiveness.

Forgiveness....
I have wanted to forgive x since the beginning of summer.  It was my goal.  I read books, articles and searched pinterest for steps to forgiveness.  It never came.  Then, during the 2 weeks of hell I got it all out of me.  All of the hurt and anger and betrayal.  I think I cried it out of me.  And one day I realized I don't hate him.  I hate what he did, but I don't hate him.  I get so mad when he doesn't show up when he's supposed to take the boys, but I'm just mad at that.  I'm not mad that he didn't show up AND mad at all the past hurt he's caused as well.
it feels good.
I liked being mad at him.  It felt better.  I felt justified.  who am I kidding?  I WAS justified!  I wanted him to see how much he hurt me.  Letting go of that anger was scary, but it feels good.
I feel lighter and happier.

Since then....
I started getting my nails done...I've wanted to do that since I got married 12 years ago.
I started dating!!!!!
I got my eyebrows shaped and learned how to fill them in...they look hot, FYI
I started spending more time on my hair and make up each day and I FEEL pretty
I started Weight Watchers and have lost 30 lbs.
I went on a shopping spree and my sis in law bought me some stylish clothes

I feel good.  I AM good.  I like finding ME again.

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