life goes on

My grandpa passed away.
It was expected and we got to see him at a family reunion 3 weeks earlier, so it was good.
But, I will miss him. He cherished my Grandma. He loved her and they were together for more than 1/2 their lives. They were comfortable with eachother and knew eachother so well. They took care of eachother, got on eachother's nerves, knew when it was time to tease and time to appologize.
That's what I want! I want that unconditional love. I want to be cherished. I want to grow old with a man who will love me and be by me and ONLY me for the rest of forever.
Some days are good and I think that's what we're working towards...together we're healing and moving forward.
Other days I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm too afraid of being hurt again. I say mean, hurtful things to my man when he's trying his hardest to serve me and help me and is really really trying to fight this addiction. I just don't want to get hurt again! I want to be able to trust him and give him my whole heart again, but what if that never comes?

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