lonely

My man lied to me for about a week. He lied about looking at porn, phone sex, etc etc. I don't handle the lies well. If he relapses and is honest with me then we can continue working on it....but when he lies it's like we're not a team headed for the same thing anymore. So, after he spent more money and couldn't handle lying anymore, he fessed up and he left.
He left because he can't have me pushing him. He needs to work with God to overcome this. He needs to figure out what he wants, not what I want him to want. He has to get this out of his life. While he's gone working on this I also hope he sees how much I do for him and how amazing I am eventhough, in the worlds eyes, I'm not much.
We've talked every day. He's doing okay. He hates this addiction and he tells me how sorry he is that this has affected my life as well. I love him. I want him to want me and I want him to be done with this!
I know this is what we're supposed to be doing, but it's still lonely.

Comments

J said…
Hope....

Oh dear... I am so so sooooooo sorry for you. You are such a strong and amazing woman! I don't know how you do it... I really don't...

It is lonely and I'm so sorry you are experiencing the loneliness that comes with this hell. You know, this has been the most lonely time of my life. I've never felt so alone... but in that same instance, I've never felt so strong. Hell, if I can get through this, I can get through anything!! And I know the same is for you! If you can get through this (whatever that means for you- with or without him), you will be one hell of a woman! In fact, you are a hell of a woman NOW so I can't even begin to imagine what you will be... seriously!

And what does this mean that you are nothing in the worlds eyes? Do you really care what the 'world' thinks? Look around Hope! Look at what the world is doing to our husbands, to the fathers of our children, to our supposed 'priesthood holders'. I don't give a rat's you know what, what the world thinks I am... I don't want to be any of that! I don't want to have anything to do with that!

You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. You are a pillar of strength... everyday not only are you living this nightmare, but you're surviving it.

YOU ARE AMAZING! Please don't forget that! And I hope I'm not out of line for saying this, and I've said it all along, but YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER! Either he needs to shape his ass up- FOR REAL and FOR GOOD and FOR HIM and REALLY DAMN QUICK- or it'll be too late... because you are an amazing beautiful woman and you deserve so much better than this. No one should ever have to go through this... no one... and that includes YOU!

I love ya Hope! Call me this week!

Sorry for all the cuss words- can you tell I'm bitter? lol...

xoxo
August 22, 2010 at 9:25 PM
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