really?!
am I really still in this? is this really still part of my life? am I really still hurting and broken? am I really still hoping he will change?
I hate this. I hate this so much. My heart is broken. I am broken. My kids, oh, my kids! They are going to be broken.
I'm leaving. My boys and I, we're going to L. The day after school is out we're going to move in with my parents. They have a ginormous house and there is plenty of room for all of us. I am not ready to make the big step and file for divorce. So, we're going on a month long 'vacation' and in that month I'll see what my man does. If he makes changes and really fights then I'll give it another month. If he doesn't then I'll come 'home' and get more of our things to move to logan. And I'll do that until August. In August if no changes have been made I will register my boys for school in L and we'll really move in completely. It'll be a slow and smooth transition. It'll be good.
I am hoping with everything inside of me that he changes. That a miracle happens, he sees how much he wants THIS and he'll give up the porn completely. That's what I want. But everything inside of me is telling me that this is the beginning of the end.
I cry all the time. I am so sad. I love him so much and I wanted him to choose me. For 9 years I've waited for him to choose me. I've given him every opportunity to choose me. I have forgiven him so many times and have given this marriage everything I have. I don't want to be alone. I don't want my kids to be raised without a dad. Oh, I am just so broken and sad. Maurice said I would grieve. I don't know why I don't believe him...he is always right!
I don't want to be alone. I want someone to love and cherish me. To hold me when I'm sad, comfort me when I'm scared, talked with, laugh with, go places with. I don't want to be alone. My husband doesn't want me. Why would anyone else? Will I ever trust again? Will anyone want a fat, single, 35 year old, mother of 3 who lives with her parents? Will I find someone who will love my kids? Do I want anyone?
I'm the oldest of 4 and am the only one to be divorced...if that's the way it goes. I feel like the loser. I feel like the one everyone will pity and look down on. I don't want this life. I DON'T WANT IT!!!! What did I do to deserve this? When will I stop crying? When will I feel better?
I hate this. I hate this so much. My heart is broken. I am broken. My kids, oh, my kids! They are going to be broken.
I'm leaving. My boys and I, we're going to L. The day after school is out we're going to move in with my parents. They have a ginormous house and there is plenty of room for all of us. I am not ready to make the big step and file for divorce. So, we're going on a month long 'vacation' and in that month I'll see what my man does. If he makes changes and really fights then I'll give it another month. If he doesn't then I'll come 'home' and get more of our things to move to logan. And I'll do that until August. In August if no changes have been made I will register my boys for school in L and we'll really move in completely. It'll be a slow and smooth transition. It'll be good.
I am hoping with everything inside of me that he changes. That a miracle happens, he sees how much he wants THIS and he'll give up the porn completely. That's what I want. But everything inside of me is telling me that this is the beginning of the end.
I cry all the time. I am so sad. I love him so much and I wanted him to choose me. For 9 years I've waited for him to choose me. I've given him every opportunity to choose me. I have forgiven him so many times and have given this marriage everything I have. I don't want to be alone. I don't want my kids to be raised without a dad. Oh, I am just so broken and sad. Maurice said I would grieve. I don't know why I don't believe him...he is always right!
I don't want to be alone. I want someone to love and cherish me. To hold me when I'm sad, comfort me when I'm scared, talked with, laugh with, go places with. I don't want to be alone. My husband doesn't want me. Why would anyone else? Will I ever trust again? Will anyone want a fat, single, 35 year old, mother of 3 who lives with her parents? Will I find someone who will love my kids? Do I want anyone?
I'm the oldest of 4 and am the only one to be divorced...if that's the way it goes. I feel like the loser. I feel like the one everyone will pity and look down on. I don't want this life. I DON'T WANT IT!!!! What did I do to deserve this? When will I stop crying? When will I feel better?
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