leaving

8 days ago I left my old life.  I left my husband.  I left my friends and I left the place I loved and had known as home for 9 years.
The week leading up to that day was hectic, chaotic, sad and exhausting.
My husband indulged in his smut while I was packing.  If I was packing in the living room he was on his computer looking at and talking to whores.
The weirdest thing for me is that I did NOT care...at all.  
We were like strangers living in the same house.  I don't know how we got to this point.  It was weird.  But, I wasn't sad or mad or hurt or anything.  
I need to clarify something....I wasn't sad I was leaving him, but I was broken hearted for my children.
I was sad I was leaving this life I wanted, this life I thought I was going to have when I married this man 9 years ago who has slowly become a stranger in my life.
The day I left was a good day.  
My dad showed up and I felt so much peace. 
We didn't have anyone to help load the truck because everyone was working.
A good friend and neighbor showed up, then another neighbor I'd met maybe twice, then my 4 friends from the ward showed up.  We got everything loaded in an hour-ish and my dad left.
My mom came and spent the day with me saying goodbye to all the people who had become part of my family.
When I left my apartment for the last time I took a hammer and created the above masterpiece for my husband to come home to.
I didn't do it out of anger.  I did it because I wanted him to realize what he had done.
Maybe I was a little mad or hurt or sad, but the reason and the feelings don't matter right now.
It felt good!
He destroyed our forever family.

It was a bittersweet day.
It was something I never thought would really happen.
I thought HE would change.
I thought HE would choose his family.
But, he didn't.
He is blaming me for breaking up our family.
He is calling me names and being mean.
OH, and, I don't care!!!!!
I am free!
I am brave!
I am strong!

Comments

Buffalo Gal said…
I'm so glad you're feeling peace about it all!
November 2, 2013 at 6:54 PM
Amanda said…
You are very brave. So glad you are feeling peace about the situation.
November 3, 2013 at 8:50 AM
Tracey said…
I'm sad you had to leave your friends.
November 5, 2013 at 10:37 PM
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
January 17, 2014 at 9:34 PM
Unknown said…
So first of all, I'm convinced you are me. I've read through a few of your posts and you literally spoke my mind. In every single one. My husband is a sex addict, slept with 3 prostitutes, has gone to strip clubs by himself multiple times, downloaded porn onto my son's iPad, watched porn in an open room during a family reunion, opened secret credit cards to support his habit and join online sex web came sites. I've only been married for 2 1/2 years and I'm done. I don't care anymore. I have found a house and I'm moving out next month. And the thing is, I'm not sad anymore. I could care less what he does anymore. It's a sad day when you push someone who is loyal to a fault beyond the point of caring. Your parent's sound amazing and remind me so much of mine. I'm so glad you have them to help you out throughout this life change. My parent's too have been amazing and I'm not sure how I'd make it without them. I wish you only happy blessings for the rest of your life.
January 17, 2014 at 9:34 PM
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
January 17, 2014 at 9:35 PM
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