"I wanna see you be brave"

My boys are in counsling. one has ADHD, the other has severe anxiety. They are now having anger issues...MAJOR anger issues. I told their counselor about my marriage and my sex addict husband. She asked me for a time line of events. When this all started, when we've been seperated, when he's not come home, when we've fought, how many times, and when, he's lied to the boys. I couldn't tell her. It's all a blur. He's left so many times I have no idea when he's been gone. We've been seperated so many times I quit keeping trrack. Why me? WHY!? I hate this! Why am I still married? Because..... well, I don't know! I'm starting to forget why. I'm starting to NOT want to be married. I'm starting to lose it all. My counselor told me that I'd slowly get to this point of not wanting to be married. I'm not loving this. My boys counselor told me that when we've tried everything and don't get any different results then it...

my man did great for so long. Life was good. We were happy. I was trusting him again...mostly. We weren't fighting. I was feeling like I was really worth something to him again. I liked it! I felt like we were going to live happily ever after. Then, we were planning to leave town. The boys and I were outside waiting for my man to get home. We had all our stuff outside. He promised to be home in 15 minutes. 9 hours later he made it. I had to tell my boys we weren't leaving, I had to figure out how to tell them their dad wasn't going to be home. I was upset and sad for me for a bit. Then I had this feeling that I needed to buck it up. I need to be my boys' mom. They needed me. I was sad for them. We laid in my bed and talked and read and fell asleep. I was up all night thinking and praying. I came to a conclusion. I need to stop caring. As soon as I decided that I felt so much peace and was able to spend my night for me and not worrying abo...

he lost again. he left me for 7 hours. I was bugged and hurt. but i didn't cry. i didn't let it affect me. i read scriptures with my boys, had prayer, read books, and put them to bed. then i sat up and wondered what i'm supposed to do. i prayed, i pondered, i listened to soothing music i feel like the more he does this to me the farther i pull away and eventually it'll just die and the only option will be to go our seperate ways. i feel good about that conclusion. i don't love it. i dont' love that this is my life. all i want is for my man to love me, to cherish me, and to want me and only me. i want to be the only woman he's ever looked at or shared intimate moments with. i've worked so hard this past few months to gain a better relationship with my Heavenly Father. i have learned so much about myself and about the Spirit and about the love my Savior has for me. but none of that helps for the few days or weeks after a bad lost battle. i went to do my ha...

Our counselor, Maurice , suggested my husband and I blog together or each have a blog. We decided to each have our own. So, my man started a blog this morning. We're hoping that through our blogs other people can find help and hope. We have been on this journey for 6 years. Some times are better than others. Sometimes I'm not sure we're going to make it to celebrate another anniversary with him. But, I follow my heart and the Spirit and do what I feel is best for ME right now. We're still married, we're still fighting and we will win! Together we can make our lives better. I wish men, those still single and those who are married, could understand, really understand, that when you bring this addiction into a marriage you are affecting a whole family and your wife is there to be part of your team. I love when my man is honest with me, when he tells me he's tempted and needs help, when he asks me to take him to work so there isn't a temptation to go somewhere ...

please read this . I wish I would've read it. It's exactly how I feel. We're putting our lives back together again. We're doing it and it's better, but it's still hard. I am trying to trust again. I'm trying to heal. My man is working hard to overcome his addiction. But, it's hard. I want to wear a sign (see this link) that says, "my husband is a porn/sex addict. Please be gentle with me. I'm just trying to survive." But I can't. I pretend things are fine. I listen to people judge. I listen to other people complain because their husband won't let them buy ANOTHER kitchen gadget. Everything appears to be fine. But it's not. We're all fighting battles and we need to remember to see other peoples signs and be gentle to eachother.

It's amazing how fast life changes. I knew the happiness and bliss couldn't last. I wanted it to and I hoped it would. OH, how I hoped and prayed that he would continue to fight for me. But, he gave up and gave in and lost. 2 days in a row. He doesn't just lose. He leaves me! He leaves me and doesn't come home for hours and doesn't answer the phone. I'm left here wondering and my mind goes crazy. Well, tonight, my boys were up and he siad he'd be here and he said he had a treat for them. He never showed up. They spent a couple hours drawing him pictures and waiting up for him. AND HE NEVER SHOWED. So, what am I supposed to do? Instead of crying and feeling sad for myself I bucked up and took action. I am being strong....for now. I packed his stuff in a garbage bag and I was quite nice and organized about it. Then I stuck it on the doorstep and locked the 3 locks on our door. I texted him and asked him not to bother me until he decides what he really wants. I...

I wonder if I'll ever totally trust my man again. He's almost 30 days clean with 1 little hiccup. And I still don't trust him 100%. I wish he never would've done this to me. I used to be THE most naive person EVER! And now....I'm not. I hate that my man changed that in me. I am happy, I really am. But I don't know if I'll ever totally trust him. When he leaves to go places alone I worry the whole time! I worry he's going to find a way to make a call. I worry that he's going to give into Satan. I worry about it all. I want this to go away. I want him to leave and be able to sit at home and work on a project or watch TV in peace. I worry that I'll never stop worrying! Addictions affect more than just the addict.