ugh!

I was at my parents house Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. It was miserable! I hated it! I hate my life right now! Wednesday my man begged me to go home and promised to leave after all the family reunions of the weekend. So, I came home. I got the house cleaned, laundry done, and then I got ready to go camping. I also found out that my man messed up while I was gone. REALLY?! hello, dumb ass! You were supposed to prove to me that you WANT me and want this crap out of your life! Why?! Why did you mess up? Why didn't you fight to prove that you want me and our boys? I don't get it!

So, we went camping, we went to my family reunion, my parents know, his parents know. My man and I were civil to eachother and enjoyed our weekend. We got home and started talking about him leaving and we can't afford it! We really can't do it!!! We're at the point that we'd have to claim bankruptcy if we added another expense. SO, he's been home. And I've lied to my best friend and my parents about him being gone because I don't want to have to answer to them. It's been fine. He's been respectful of me and my space and has been willing to do things for me. He's not a bad person...he's actual a great man and husband and father. It's just this ONE thing!!!! Anyway, he's here and he's fighting and he's doing really good.

BUT, is it because I'm here? Am I a prisoner? If I leave over night is he going to screw up again? Is he only going to fight if I'm here?

I have the opportunity to go to California and stay with a friend. She'd pay for me to get there, let me stay there and take care of my boys so I could relax adn rejuvinate. Do I go? Do I let her pay for that? I don't want to go because I'm afraid my man will mess up and if he does then I know that this marriage is over and I don't want it to be over!!!! What do I do?

Comments

J said…
You go!

If she's offering to pay, then go.

If he screws up while you're gone, so be it. If he's not strong enough to do get better for himself and do what it takes, in my very humble opinion, then he'll never EVER EVER beat this and you'll live in this hell for the rest of your life!

Talk to M about it.... See what he has to say...

Don't be a prisoner to this Hope. This is not your problem. He has a problem and HE needs to fix. Not you. You don't need to be a damn babysitter the rest of your life...

Go to California. Go and enjoy and relax and do something for you.

Forget about him. So what if he screws up while your gone. GO and enjoy and decide what it best for YOU! If he does screw up while your gone, you can re-evaluate when you get back.

If you want to go, GO. Do it for YOU!

Thinking of you my dear!!

xoxo
July 8, 2010 at 5:04 PM
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