"I wanna see you be brave"

My grandpa passed away. It was expected and we got to see him at a family reunion 3 weeks earlier, so it was good. But, I will miss him. He cherished my Grandma. He loved her and they were together for more than 1/2 their lives. They were comfortable with eachother and knew eachother so well. They took care of eachother, got on eachother's nerves, knew when it was time to tease and time to appologize. That's what I want! I want that unconditional love. I want to be cherished. I want to grow old with a man who will love me and be by me and ONLY me for the rest of forever. Some days are good and I think that's what we're working towards...together we're healing and moving forward. Other days I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm too afraid of being hurt again. I say mean, hurtful things to my man when he's trying his hardest to serve me and help me and is really really trying to fight this addiction. I just don't want to get hurt again! I want

I've been a dignified bitch for 3 weeks now! I've set and kept boundaries. My man has been respectful of the boundaries I've set. He's been honest. He lets me check up on him. He's fighting! FOR REAL fighting. Not half-assed fighting like he's done in the past, but 100% fighting. He's not talking about what will happen next time, because, he's not planning on a next time. We've been very open and honest with our feelings. I'm finding this part of my journey hard. I know it's only been 3 weeks, but, I'm starting to trust him a little. It's a weird feeling to trust him. I haven't felt this in 3 1/2 years. And, I'm being very cautious. I know it's still soon, but I'm feeling good. I still have my moments where I wonder what is in the future, but I feel good about this. I'm trying to learn how to trust again! Is this good or am I setting myself up again? EDIT 7*16*2010: I typed this too soon! I should've held off

I've been praying a lot! I've been making sure I don't make any decision without the Lord. But, I've been questioning myself a little. At WORTH group on Saturday we talked about prayer. The lesson I gave on Sunday was about daily revelations. And I remembered! I know how I feel the Spirit. It touches each of us differently. But, I know, for me, how the Spirit communicates with me! And I remembered that I need to stop questioning! The Lord will not give me more than I can handle (sometimes I wish I wasn't so dang amazing) ;)!!!! He knows me and He loves me and will not lead me astray! Now I am making my decisions and am confident (most of the time) in the conclusions I come to. My mom has her input and she's pretty vocal about it and doesn't agree with my decisions right now, but I have to remember that I am doing what is right for me and I can't base any of my decision on pleasing those around me who I love and respect. My man is home. I'm be

I was at my parents house Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. It was miserable! I hated it! I hate my life right now! Wednesday my man begged me to go home and promised to leave after all the family reunions of the weekend. So, I came home. I got the house cleaned, laundry done, and then I got ready to go camping. I also found out that my man messed up while I was gone. REALLY?! hello, dumb ass! You were supposed to prove to me that you WANT me and want this crap out of your life! Why?! Why did you mess up? Why didn't you fight to prove that you want me and our boys? I don't get it! So, we went camping, we went to my family reunion, my parents know, his parents know. My man and I were civil to eachother and enjoyed our weekend. We got home and started talking about him leaving and we can't afford it! We really can't do it!!! We're at the point that we'd have to claim bankruptcy if we added another expense. SO, he's been home. And I've lied