"I wanna see you be brave"

My man's here for the weekend. I invited him and we agreed to him being here every other weekend. Good or bad? I don't know. So far a little of both. I'm still hurting and trying to do this alone and trying to not hate what he's done to me. and I dont' think he gets that. I feel like he's just here for the action and not wanting to do much else. So, here we go! p.s. my laptop's broken, so it's going to be at HP for 2 weeks...see ya then!

*My man is still gone, but he calls and he stops by and I know he loves me. He's being honest with me and he's fighting to keep our family together. *I know I am a daughter of God who loves me. *An aquaintance (I'm too tired to spell check that) gave me the opportunity to take 2 photography/editing workshops at no charge. I learned a ton and loved it. I'm working on a portfolio/website and am thinking about starting a business. This will give me some freedom so when things are crappy I can decide whether to stay with my man and not have money be such a huge issue. *I have a friend who is going through something similar and we have really bonded. She bought me a book, Out of the Ashes, and it is soooo good. *I have my boys! My sons friend is dying of leukemia and his poor mom lost her husband to a heart problem last summer. and...she's 25, can't keep her apartment, and insurance isn't covering treatments....really, I don't have it that bad! *I have

All the time people are saying, "call if you need anything." Not just about this, but whenever someone's having a hard time in life we always say, "call if you need anything." Well, I have clothes from a week ago that need to be folded and put away, shirts that need ironing, my boys room that needs to be cleaned, a fridge that needs to be cleaned out, and I really really really don't want to make dinner. BUT, why would I call anyone? Everyone struggles in life, I don't want to burden anyone. I don't want to be the callifyouneedanything person anymore. I want to be the person who will drop dinner off on someone's door stop, go over and iron a few shirts or do a sink of dishes, or send a card in the mail. I want to be the person who, eventhough I won't know what they NEED, I can lighten their burden a little bit. I want a person like that in my life, so that's what I'm going to become. I'll do it...after I'm done skinning

My man lied to me for about a week. He lied about looking at porn, phone sex, etc etc. I don't handle the lies well. If he relapses and is honest with me then we can continue working on it....but when he lies it's like we're not a team headed for the same thing anymore. So, after he spent more money and couldn't handle lying anymore, he fessed up and he left. He left because he can't have me pushing him. He needs to work with God to overcome this. He needs to figure out what he wants, not what I want him to want. He has to get this out of his life. While he's gone working on this I also hope he sees how much I do for him and how amazing I am eventhough, in the worlds eyes, I'm not much. We've talked every day. He's doing okay. He hates this addiction and he tells me how sorry he is that this has affected my life as well. I love him. I want him to want me and I want him to be done with this! I know this is what we're supposed to be doi

My sister texts me every night and asks how my day was. She texts/calls multiple times a day and it's starting to wear on me. She wants to know if she should buy a red shirt or the black shirt, to tell me about how irritated she is that her husband brought her breakfast in bed and he should've known she doesn't like cream cheese on her bagel, that a girl in her ward is stand offish even when my sister is nice to her....on and on and on. I don't care! I don't care about the shirt! I don't care that your biggest fight with your husband is over cream cheese! I don't care that a girl is stand offish...maybe her husband cheated on her and she's trying to deal with it! So, every night when she asks about my day I tell her what she wants to hear. but what I really want to say is: you have no idea! I'm still struggling with my self image. Because of my husbands addiction and things he's said to me...I don't see myself as an attractive woman. I