Resources

LDS addiction Recovery

The Togetherness Project

W.O.R.T.H. Group

Women for Decency

Hope and Healing

Healing Through Christ


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Trigger

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Prince E is so good to me.  I am learning to trust him and it's an amazing thing.  I haven't trusted a man in...well, ever.  My dad was not good to me and then my ex and then the guys I've dated.  So, this is a new thing and it's scary.  I'm learning to just go with it and trust my heart.  My intuition/heart/6th sense has never been wrong. To trust Prince E is such a free feeling....I don't feel trapped or crazy.  There's no way to explain what it feels to trust someone.  I feel free and happy and light. BUT...I have discovered a trigger. When Prince E doesn't text me back within an hour I go crazy. This has happened twice and both times I realized right away that I was being triggered, but I don't know what to do about it. For 10 years when my texts and calls were ignored it meant that X was with another woman and it destroyed me.  It caused me so much pain and despair.  There's no way to explain the feeling of being so completely betrayed
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fighting

He's fighting. I just talked to him and asked why. He told me he deosn't want to lose his family. He wants to be home with us. I've never been this....withdrawn and angry. I am so hurt. The things he's said and done to me...I don't know if I can forgive. I don't trust him. But, he's fighthing. He calls me every morning and every night. He stops by to see the kids. He's 7 days clean. I'm not about to let him move home or be too quick to forgive, but he's fighting! I will be honest....I wasn't sure he'd choose me. I'm still not sure, as time goes by, that he'll keep fighting and choose me. But, for now, he's fighting and winning and choosing me. And I'm still being cautious. I'm still struggling to trust him and i know it will come with time....unless he messes up again.
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hell

long story short: my man got a new phone. i installed net nanny on it. he uninstalled it. he left for 8 hours to get his fix and came home. for 2 weeks he was ALL addict. he locked me out of the room while he did his video chatting and porn watching. i sat in the front room ALONE and hurting so bad. on our way out the door for church without my man and he locked me out of the bathroom. i told him it was time for him to leave. forever. he laughed at me like i was kidding. i went crazy. not my finest moment. definately not proud of what followed. especially since my children were home. i kicked the door down. i broke it. i pushed my man into the bathtub. i used the plunger and plunged his face. then i used the handle to hit him. i got out 8 years of hurting. i know it was wrong and i know it can't happen again, but it felt good. i got my boys in the car and we were leaving for the night so my man could see i was serious. the cops came. i got a citation for domestic violence, domestic
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