"I wanna see you be brave"

Ugh! I love him.  I really do.    I went to church alone with my boys.  He stayed home and changed the netflix password so he could watch nasty movies.  He tried to change the comcast password, but I took the remote to church.  I realize this isn't normal.  I shouldn't feel the need to take a remote to church to force my husband to do what is right, but that's where I'm at in my life. He took our boys on a father and son campout and they had fun.  Those sweet boys love their dad so much.  I hate taking him out of their lives.  I hate it!  But he's not a good dad on a daily basis...he doesn't come home and help with homework, play, etc.  He comes home, turns the TV on, yells at them for being loud and that's it. I cried today.  This isn't new.  I cry every day lately.  I cry almost all day.  He was taking a nap and I wanted to go snuggle up next to him and have him hold me and keep me safe.  I went and laid down and he rolled over.  I couldn

am I really still in this?  is this really still part of my life? am I really still hurting and broken?  am I really still hoping he will change? I hate this.  I hate this so much.  My heart is broken.  I am broken.  My kids, oh, my kids!  They are going to be broken. I'm leaving.  My boys and I, we're going to L.  The day after school is out we're going to move in with my parents.  They have a ginormous house and there is plenty of room for all of us.  I am not ready to make the big step and file for divorce.  So, we're going on a month long 'vacation' and in that month I'll see what my man does.  If he makes changes and really fights then I'll give it another month.  If he doesn't then I'll come 'home' and get more of our things to move to logan.  And I'll do that until August.  In August if no changes have been made I will register my boys for school in L and we'll really move in completely.  It'll be a slow and smooth