dating and Prince Eric

I joined a bunch of dating sites about 2 years ago.  It was fun.  I had 12 dates lined up.  Well, I thought I had 12 dates lined up.  

But, then I was talking to my sister and found out that hook ups aren't the same as dates.  I cancelled those hook ups and was a little discouraged.

After a year of dating and hating it I cancelled all sites and focused on me.  I did a lot of fun things, found out who I am again and ....

decided I was ready to try again.

I joined POF.  

I dated a lot.

I really liked one guy and we dated awhile and I pushed him away with my trust issues.

Looking back I realize that he was not what I wanted.  

He wasn't patient or kind or respectful.

I dated more and was a lot more careful and picky.

Dating sucks!!!!

99% of the guys pretend to want a relationship, but then focus solely on how to get sex.

6 ish weeks ago I wrote in my journal about what I want.  

I want a man who will be patient with me, who will understand my trust issues, who will not push my boundaries, who will be a gentleman.  Someone who will love me for who I am and not want to change me.

2 weeks passed and I 'dumped' 4 guys I was seeing.

I was getting ready to delete my POF account and a guy started talking to me.  I responded and in my head I was thinking that I would shut him down fast. 

 I call him Prince Eric.  

He's perfect.

It's been 4 weeks and we talk every day.

We aren't seeing other people.

He's perfect for me.

He's kind, patient, understanding.  He tells me how beautiful I am and that I'm perfect just the way I am.  He deals with my trust issues perfectly.  He doesn't push my boundaries.  I'm extremely attracted to him.  He's a gentleman. He makes me laugh and we have great conversations.  He's smart and we just have fun talking. He is everything I've ever wanted...EVER!

BUT,  I don't trust him.  I don't trust him because of my dumb ass ex husband.  I don't trust this perfect man and it has nothing to do with him.

It scares me.  It scares me to fall for him.  I am so afraid of getting hurt.  My heart can't break again.  I don't think it would heal.  I don't think I can feel that much pain again and recover.  

I want to give him my all, but I don't know if I can.  How do I do this?  

I'm crazy, too....and I don't know how to not be.

If I text him and it takes him awhile to text back .... I worry he's texting another woman or maybe sleeping with her.

I get on POF to see if he's online.  When he is my stomach drops and my heart aches.  Why is he still on there?  What is he looking for?  If I'm really what he wants why is he on POF?  Is he looking for someone better or closer?  Is he pursuing me because there aren't any other options?

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

How do I not push this man away?

How do I tell him I want him to delete his POF account since we're not dating other people?

How do I protect my heart from being broken, but still allow myself to put everything into this relationship that could be perfect?