update
I didn't think I'd ever find myself writing on here again, but here I am.
I have done a lot in the 6 years I've been divorced...a lot of things I NEVER thought I could do.
I got my bachelor's degree as a single mom.
I sent my baby to daycare...and he loved it!
I fell and broke both legs and was on bedrest for 4 months....as a single mom in school full time
I went to therapy and started feeling again and learned about trust
I learned about and set boundaries. I say no when I really can't or don't want to do something and I don't have to give a reason.
I went on road trips alone with my kids.
My baby was diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis at 3
I embraced and learned to love my imperfect body.
I found my own style...I wear the make up and clothing that I like, not what I think men would like.
I moved, got married and was offered my dream job.
My mom who was my best friend, my PERSON, the one I went to multiple times a day, passed away
Life is never easy, in my experience, but it has been so good.
I have been able to see tender mercies in my life.
*********************************************************************************
My husband, The Viking (he loves his heritage, so this is a good name to use for him on this blog), is incredible. He isn't perfect, but he's perfect for me. He is kind, patient, and truly enjoys spending time with me. He has healed my heart and taught me to trust. He did everything in his power to earn my trust...he doesn't hide anything, never puts passwords on devices, and calms all my insecurities. It's still weird to be with a man who loves me the way I love him. He loves me...all of me..just the way I am. We got lucky when we found each other! We dated for a year. We were engaged for 6 months. I didn't marry him until I truly trusted him.
He and I had a disagreement about pornography and whether or not it is an addiction. I shared my story with him and he cried. He never understood that men could be addicted to images that he thinks are repulsive and degrading (I thank his grandmother who raised him!) and has never even wanted to look at at. Yes, he looked at PlayBoy with his friends growing up, but he said they all decided basketball was better than girls :-)
Being married to him has been easy. We don't yell at eachother...we talk through things. There is mutual love and respect.
*********************************************************************************
The reason I'm here now.......
I found some things on my teenagers phone.
I have OurPact on my kids devices. I have parental controls on everything. I check devices every night. I am open with my kids about pornography and sex. I support them in their hobbies. We have dinner every night as a family. I know my kids friends. I don't allow sleep overs. No devices in bedrooms or bathrooms. I read books, listen to parenting podcasts, talk to my kids about emotions. I have done everything I possibly can to prevent this from happening.
My ex, who my kids see every other Saturday, is deep in his addiction....it still rules his life, but for the 8 hours he has our kids he's really good.
It makes me mad that our son found pornography at my home! It makes me mad that he hid it from my for 6 days and had no intention of ever telling me. It makes me mad that when I discovered it and confronted him (after praying and researching how to talk to him), he acted just like his dad used to when I confronted him.
It makes me mad that I didn't see it! From the day he downloaded the app, he changed. He was mean and easily irritated. He walked around the house like an entitled butthead. He bossed everyone around, was rude to me and spent more time on his phone than usual. How did I not see it?
And now what? I can't hold my 15 year old to the same standard I held my grown ass husband! I can't divorce my child if he gives up on recovery. I'm dealing with pornography from a new angle and I am not excited about it at all!!!!
I have done a lot in the 6 years I've been divorced...a lot of things I NEVER thought I could do.
I got my bachelor's degree as a single mom.
I sent my baby to daycare...and he loved it!
I fell and broke both legs and was on bedrest for 4 months....as a single mom in school full time
I went to therapy and started feeling again and learned about trust
I learned about and set boundaries. I say no when I really can't or don't want to do something and I don't have to give a reason.
I went on road trips alone with my kids.
My baby was diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis at 3
I embraced and learned to love my imperfect body.
I found my own style...I wear the make up and clothing that I like, not what I think men would like.
I moved, got married and was offered my dream job.
My mom who was my best friend, my PERSON, the one I went to multiple times a day, passed away
Life is never easy, in my experience, but it has been so good.
I have been able to see tender mercies in my life.
*********************************************************************************
My husband, The Viking (he loves his heritage, so this is a good name to use for him on this blog), is incredible. He isn't perfect, but he's perfect for me. He is kind, patient, and truly enjoys spending time with me. He has healed my heart and taught me to trust. He did everything in his power to earn my trust...he doesn't hide anything, never puts passwords on devices, and calms all my insecurities. It's still weird to be with a man who loves me the way I love him. He loves me...all of me..just the way I am. We got lucky when we found each other! We dated for a year. We were engaged for 6 months. I didn't marry him until I truly trusted him.
He and I had a disagreement about pornography and whether or not it is an addiction. I shared my story with him and he cried. He never understood that men could be addicted to images that he thinks are repulsive and degrading (I thank his grandmother who raised him!) and has never even wanted to look at at. Yes, he looked at PlayBoy with his friends growing up, but he said they all decided basketball was better than girls :-)
Being married to him has been easy. We don't yell at eachother...we talk through things. There is mutual love and respect.
*********************************************************************************
The reason I'm here now.......
I found some things on my teenagers phone.
I have OurPact on my kids devices. I have parental controls on everything. I check devices every night. I am open with my kids about pornography and sex. I support them in their hobbies. We have dinner every night as a family. I know my kids friends. I don't allow sleep overs. No devices in bedrooms or bathrooms. I read books, listen to parenting podcasts, talk to my kids about emotions. I have done everything I possibly can to prevent this from happening.
My ex, who my kids see every other Saturday, is deep in his addiction....it still rules his life, but for the 8 hours he has our kids he's really good.
It makes me mad that our son found pornography at my home! It makes me mad that he hid it from my for 6 days and had no intention of ever telling me. It makes me mad that when I discovered it and confronted him (after praying and researching how to talk to him), he acted just like his dad used to when I confronted him.
It makes me mad that I didn't see it! From the day he downloaded the app, he changed. He was mean and easily irritated. He walked around the house like an entitled butthead. He bossed everyone around, was rude to me and spent more time on his phone than usual. How did I not see it?
And now what? I can't hold my 15 year old to the same standard I held my grown ass husband! I can't divorce my child if he gives up on recovery. I'm dealing with pornography from a new angle and I am not excited about it at all!!!!
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